Today as I was sitting in the coziness of my room, I was thinking of how caught up I’ve been lately with things to do, urgent matters to take care of and that cannot wait, or so it seems.

As I sat down to meditate I found I was far from myself. I needed to take a good number of breaths in order to find my center once again, allow my muscles to relax and my heart to settle. 

The message I received from spirit is a reminder that many of us are in this same place today. Because of the changes and demands in our personal lives we are finding ourselves trying to control, to change, to fix things. Such efforts are appropriate. We need to do these things in order to live in this world. But, in these times of change, it is easy to forget our innermost qualities. So the message is a reminder that love is not an afterthought, that  joy is not a consequence of us getting the circumstances right all the time. Rather, these qualities need to be at the center of our efforts. They are the fountain from which our actions spring from. While a small reminder, I find that for me it is one that changes how I live my life today.

If you look around and find  you are doing a lot, this is the moment to stop and see what your heart is saying. No, You did not hear right, it does not say you have to keep on working, to get on with it. That is your mind speaking. Instead, for this moment let go of the want to control, to seek approval, or to have security. Let go of wanting to be important, just for a moment breathe and see where is it that love resides in this very moment.

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Today I will tell you a story.  It is a simple story.  It is the story of a child who really wanted a particular toy for Christmass and would speak to their parents many times about how much they would appreciate and how happy they would be if Santa would bring that toy to them in Christmas.  And it was a child of an age that part of them understood that it was the parents who bought the toys and part of them wanted to keep the belief of Santa Claus coming and bringing the presents.

So the parents were concerned because it was an expensive toy. After reviewing their budget and their resources they decided they could get that very toy but while normally they might bring 4 or 5 presents, they instead limited the presents to the one the child said they really wanted. But when Christmass arrived and they brought to the child the gift,  the child was very unhappy because first he was expecting more presents, and second the present they brought did not bring them as much joy as they had imagined.  

This is a cautionary tale.  On one level the parents wanted to please their child.  However they had a choice.  A part of them knew their child was at an age where these beliefs were no longer sustainable and  part of them wanted to keep the magic of the belief going, and wanted to believe their child was still innocent. and would not talk to their child about their options. 

As the parents did in this story, we at times choose to  listen to the part of ourselves that wants to believe as opposed to what reality is.   And when we do this we will always disappoint ourselves and others because we cannot fool ourselves and we cannot fool others.  Deep down we know what is true. 

And as for the child, part knew the parents bought the presents and part wanted to believe it was Santa Claus and there would be no limit to the presents.  The child chose the same as the parents  As a result, everyone had a rude awakening.  They got awakened to limitations, to expectations unmet, they got awakened to the difficulty of accepting that what we want is not always what we get and not always at the right time. 

I am telling you this story because it has this theme of choosing to believe in something that we know deep down is not true.  I am not talking about believing in a dream, I am not talking about believing in potential. I am talking about believing in something that is not factually true and that we know so, yet we choose sometimes to live on in the mythology, not because we are embracing the present and yet choosing to create a new reality, but rather we create a new reality in order to avoid the present.  This is a big difference because the only place we can be grounded is in the present, in what is happening around us. And if we are not grounded then there is nothing to stand on and will find ourselves falling. 

The difference between the two is the difference between living in denial and living in hope. 

Why is it then we choose denial? Denial of the present of what we know is true?  We choose that because we are afraid that reality will not hold a place for us, we are afraid that surrendering to what is means giving up on dreams, giving up on meaning, giving up maybe on belonging. 

If you pay attention, what this really means is that if you are caught between acknowledging and not acknowledging what is true it is because you are believing yet another story.  I will not call it a dream but I will call it maybe a nightmare. Because you have a belief or a story that is hiding and is telling you that if you accept what is, if you accept reality, it would mean capitulating, it would mean losing yourself.  And this is a hidden story and as all stories this is an untrue story.  Reality, when deeply acknowledging it, is the fertile ground where you can plant the seeds of the dream.  It might not be the dream you were first envisioning, nevertheless it will be the dream that captures your soul, that moves you, it will be the dream that offers you deliverance, that brings you peace, it will be the dream that you are meant to have. 

What is preventing you from embracing reality is this phantom nightmare, this phantom story. So if you find yourself in that situation, if you notice that a truth is making you uncomfortable and you are trying to look the other way I am not going to tell you to embrace the truth because there is not enough courage to do that, instead I am going to tell you to look for that hidden story, that hidden nightmare that is telling you that the truth that you know is so terrible, that is the story that you need to illuminate.  That story is the one you can confront and once you confront it, the world is yours.

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When we are driving or walking at night going through mountains, you might perceive through each turn the lights of the town you are hoping to reach and it seems to you that you are never going to reach.  Because you seem to be very close to the town on each turn but then the town disappears again in the next hill or pass.  And once again you find that you are farther than you hoped.

This is a common experience in that what we are looking for seems to be so far.  Just around the turn, around the corner, but somehow out of reach.  At some point you do reach the town, and once you are there, you might want to reach another place.  And life goes on.

When we find ourselves in those places where it seems a mirage into the future, we forget that life exists in the very road, in the very curves we are trying to get through.  It is not that the destination is not important.  It might give us encouragement and direction. However, the destination seen is not the life lived. It can be part of your life lived, once you reach the destination, as much as the road under your feet is the life lived in this very moment. 

Why is it that you find this moment so lacking?  Why do you think that life happens only once you reach your destination?  At the end of the day it is still you who reaches that destination, and all destinations and moments are nothing more than a reflection of your very being.  So the question is who are you in this moment and why is it that your happiness seems to be projected into those lights in the distance?

Today I want to give you a better road.  An inward road.  I am not telling you to leave that outward destination on the wayside.  Just asking you for a moment to notice the gap.  To notice how far you need to go to find happiness.  If you ask, why would I want to reach the destination if I already have happiness?  Why bother? I would say that the movement forward is in itself part of the experience of fulfillment in life.

There was this woman once.  She would sow for a living.  She would patch clothing, make it fit better, alter it.  She loved her job though she fould find herself  dreaming of creating paintings and godly scenes with her thread and colors. But it seemed too out of reach and besides, she would tell herself, how would I maintain my family, and who would help my clients? 

So at first she tried putting her dream out of her mind but then found herself sad, depressed even. She started to find her job meaningless, then bothersome. She started thinking she was going nowhere and she wondered about this because, she used love her job and the people she helped.  It was as if her dream stole all of her happiness, her satisfaction and fulfillment in her job.

So she looked a little deeper and realized that her dream represented something that was missing in her day to day job. And she realized that she was creating such a big dream for herself because she was thinking that it was not possible to have creativity in her job as it was.  So part of her did not want to change her current  circumstance. Her job after all, gave her security, stable income for her family,  recognition in the community, a relaxing craft among other things.  But it did not give her, according to her, creativity.  So if she constructed a dream that was far away she could stay safe, there was no need to try to get there.

I am telling you this story because she discovered t the reason she placed her dream so far away was because there was a part of her that she did not want it closer, it was too threatening to her life as it was. This is an important realization, nobody puts the dream so far away.  The only one who puts the dream anywhere  is you.  

So this week  I invite you to see if your fulfillment and happiness are placed in a dream and investigate, why does that dream seem to be this far away. Why would I place it so far away? The woman in the story found that her job could have creativity in small ways and bigger ways.  They just did not look like her big dream. 

She started to create patches with very original designs and would offer to patch some clothing for people.  And she was surprised many enjoyed her patches.  She started to realize all the other ways she was creative.  The way she organized her store, her home, the food she cooked.  The way she even interacted with people, so much creativity she brought to those moments.  So she realized it wasn’t that far away and her dream did not need to be so far away.  She was able to reassess her dream. Maybe it was not the life of this “high artist”  that would bring her the happiness and fulfillment she wants.  She started focusing in the designs and other things, and her life started to change.  Because she understood the heart of her dream.. She understood that her dream existed in the present moment.  

So I invite you to examine your dreams, especially if you find them too far away.  Or maybe they are the right size and you will know because the road will seem wonderful.  Maybe not because it is all beauty or all adventure.  But because this is where you would rather be, this is the only road you would take.  

Thank you,

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For this week I bring you a message of hope.  When we think “hope” we might refer to our wish of life going in a particular way where our problems are solved or we are  rescued  from our situation. Sometimes this hope is the very thing that allows us to keep going. 

Now, I invite you to think of hope as an energy of truth. A truth that no matter what situation you are in you will find deliverance from your suffering, to a place of relief, a place where dreams become truth for you.  

However, this deliverance is not always the deliverance we imagine it to be, with things changing exactly how we want them to change.  This deliverance speaks of the deliverance of the heart, the inner experience.  If we hold hope as a truth, we can trust that whatever happens is in itself the vehicle for our deliverance.   

So in these times I invite you to look at hope in this way.  Hope is a truth of life and the more intention you place in that truth, the more you accept that truth, the more you can surrender to the present.  Not waiting for the future to reveal what hope holds, but rather allowing the light of hope to illuminate your current life and see that your current life itself is the road you are meant to follow.

Today I include a guided music meditation of hope that can allow you to better connect and understand the inner feeling of hope.

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First of all I want to express appreciation for those who are reading this newsletter.  If you are stopping to read this it is because you are struggling with something and you are looking for answers, and as we often do, we look to others for wisdom.  There is nothing wrong with this approach, in fact, that is how communities are built in this ongoing exchange of what is valuable in life.  We do this exchange of giving and receiving in ways in which we overtly keep track of, and also we do it in other more subtle ways, in our everyday living. This is how we create bonds but also how we carry each other through difficult times.

Even though we might search for where we can find an answer when we are experiencing a challenge, we can forget that when we extend a hand to others it is often how we ourselves can find the answer we are looking for.  This is because it is in the giving and in the receiving that an opening occurs.  There is an openness to receive on the part of the seeker, and there is an openness necessary in the giving.  When we give we have to find ourselves, we have to find the place of ours that is whole from which we can give, and so often we find wholeness in the giving. 

There was once a man who worked in a shoe store and everybody in town came to him because he was very knowledgeable, everybody wanted their shoes to last longer.  But while he worked very seriously on his craft, he could never quite appreciate and know the levels in which the town appreciated him. One day the man decided to move closer to his family and to his surprise, when people in the town found out they came to him and asked him to stay.  “How are we going to find someone to fix our shoes?” The man looked at them in confusion, and said “but there are others in this town who fix shoes.”  And they said “but nobody does it like you. Nobody has this love in what they do, to see, as you do, the levels of detail in your work, how much you care not only for the shoes but for those wearing them.” 
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The man was very moved because he thought it was just his little way of doing things, his quirkiness, and he never really considered it was special. He realized as he was listening to people telling him how much they appreciated him that although he had thought he had lived a small and inconsequential life, he in reality had a very meaningful life.  As he was listening to others appreciate what he gave, he became deeply aware of his own presence of love when working on his craft and serving his clients.  He suddenly understood how to be in that presence.

So I’m telling this story because many of you sometimes discount something that really brings you to a place of wholeness because it is not something that you perceive as valuable to others.  It could be something as small to you as your laugh, or your presence as you look at someone with compassion and take their hand.  Our minds are so conditioned  to the rules of our culture that we discount and make lists of what is valuable and what should be valued for and what is not important.  But believe me when I tell you, at the end we realize what is important.

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Truth will call on us to let go of who we believe we are, both the good and the bad. Truth might insist we change our perspective when we just want things to be different, or to change things when we wish we could just change our perspective.   

But we won't listen to truth, no matter how much it yells at us.  We will listen enough to grumble and do the changes necessary to avoid punishment, 

However, if we listen deeply to truth, we can  realize we are just a brief note in the infinite symphony playing around us.   Only then can we play our part with joy. 

We are like instruments.  I always read “instrument” in the St. Francis prayer as a musical instruments.  All musical instruments are hollow..  For the sound of an instrument to ring pure, it needs a hollow center, that allows the materials of the instrument to vibrate and resonate with the sound vibrations sent by string, breath, or percussion.

In the same way, we need an empty space at our own center to ring true to our unique sound, for our being to resonate with the breath of existence.  When empty we are free to give ourselves to the sound so that it reaches other’s ears.  We cannot vibrate with peace, or joy, if we are carrying around all sorts of things inside of us.  We will give a muffled sound or distorted at best, if we can produce a sound at all.

The question is how do we empty out?  We are so full thoughts, memories, beliefs, judgements and so on, occupying the space in us that is meant to be hollow.

I know I am not hollow because my body tells me.  It feels solid, constrained, and heavy with emotions.  When I am aware I am not hollow, I reach inside to take out whatever is there.  I reach a hand inside and feel and touch the things in the darkness, so that I hold them and recognize them.  There is not really another way, we need to hold something in order to release it.

The more we have the experience of hollowness the more we begin to recognize and truly appreciate who we are, how we sound, the beautiful instrument we are.


The more hollow we are, the more we can listen to sound of life, expressed through others and the world around us and understand how all of us fit in this greater harmony.

When the world seems to fall apart, we are often left without knowing what is next, in a state of unpredictability and fear.

In those times of deep distress, it is natural to try to find our song again.  But it is not possible to do so, because what we thought as our song was created out of a particular circumstance, with certain harmonies that came together because of that unique situation. 

Whatever our song is, it will, as everything else, inevitably end.  We might experience an end of a relationship, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job or role we played.  It might be that we cannot sing that song anymore because we find the environment is different and the audience we thought we knew is gone.

In those moments it is easy to imagine that the music is ending.  Because we became so accustomed to that particular song.  So much so, we began to think of that song as who we are, and all we could possibly be. 

Once the musicians put away their instruments and the audience leaves, however, there remains a silence pregnant with new rhythms, new melodies, new creations to emerge.  You never know who will accompany you because the new song has not started yet.

The question is, can you be in that moment of not knowing, and listen in the silence for new possibilities?  Can you be in the silence by bringing honor and closure to the old song or will you keep chasing for what was or what could have been? ​

Today the light is clear outside and the birds are loud, as they are every morning. My meditation is simple and focused, and I am grateful for it. I am aware of myself and my particular past, however I don't find the need to dwell on the future, I am just not interested. I am reminded of a conversation I had earlier with my wife regarding a quote from the Bible, a letter from Paul to the Galatians. The letter is well known and it contains the "fruits of the Holy Spirit" referring to one of them as being self control. I am not a Christian scholar, but my understanding of self control as a "fruit" of the Holy Spirit resonated in me.

When I used to study classical guitar I spent many fruitless hours "making myself study" and having little or no results to show my teacher. I only tasted true discipline when I realized that the discipline did not involve me forcing myself to play, but it was the discipline of turning inside, of finding my emotions and my expression in the sound of the guitar. Once I was deeply connected to my own expression, I had no need to "make" myself study, but rather my practice became the fruit of my self connection. Similary, in relationships, if I react with anger I find that my discipline consists in turning inside, becoming aware of my feelings and contemplating my needs, and the perspective of the other person.   The fruit of this effort is self control. I find no need to act out or to have the last word once I connect to my own self. In my classes I often tell my students to take some space if they need to and leave the situation. However, I encourage them to then take that opportunity to connect with themselves, otherwise, once they are back in the situation nothing has changed, and they will find themselves trying to control themselves and not enjoying the fruit of their connection. No one will enjoy their music then, as they won't be expressing their authentic selves.