Today the light is clear outside and the birds are loud, as they are every morning. My meditation is simple and focused, and I am grateful for it. I am aware of myself and my particular past, however I don't find the need to dwell on the future, I am just not interested. I am reminded of a conversation I had earlier with my wife regarding a quote from the Bible, a letter from Paul to the Galatians. The letter is well known and it contains the "fruits of the Holy Spirit" referring to one of them as being self control. I am not a Christian scholar, but my understanding of self control as a "fruit" of the Holy Spirit resonated in me.
When I used to study classical guitar I spent many fruitless hours "making myself study" and having little or no results to show my teacher. I only tasted true discipline when I realized that the discipline did not involve me forcing myself to play, but it was the discipline of turning inside, of finding my emotions and my expression in the sound of the guitar. Once I was deeply connected to my own expression, I had no need to "make" myself study, but rather my practice became the fruit of my self connection. Similary, in relationships, if I react with anger I find that my discipline consists in turning inside, becoming aware of my feelings and contemplating my needs, and the perspective of the other person. The fruit of this effort is self control. I find no need to act out or to have the last word once I connect to my own self. In my classes I often tell my students to take some space if they need to and leave the situation. However, I encourage them to then take that opportunity to connect with themselves, otherwise, once they are back in the situation nothing has changed, and they will find themselves trying to control themselves and not enjoying the fruit of their connection. No one will enjoy their music then, as they won't be expressing their authentic selves.
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